I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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