You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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