I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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