like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
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if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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