Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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