He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
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i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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