I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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