i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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