At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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