Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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