I'd wear matching sweaters with you
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize