Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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