my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize