bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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