he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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