I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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