yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize