my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I smell like Dick and happiness
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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