the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize