Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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