Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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