The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize