You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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