You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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