From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize