brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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