then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
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you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
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On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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