My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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