I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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