Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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