I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize