Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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