return my video game
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize