take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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