Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You took a bar mat shot.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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