sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize