I'm really into asian looking animals
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize