So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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