she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
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You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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