plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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