We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
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I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
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I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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