Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
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Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
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I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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