In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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