I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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