so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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