my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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