I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize