That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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