last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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