I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
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She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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